Rule #1: Never let suspects stay together. Rule #2: Never screw over your partner. Rule #3: Always wear gloves at a crime scene. Rule #4: Don't believe what you're told. Double check. Rule #5: Never be unreachable. Rule #6: The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person - if you must. There is no third best. Rule #7: Always be specific when you lie. Rule #8: Never take anything for granted. Rule #9: Never go anywhere without a knife. Rule #12: Never date a coworker. Rule #15: Always work as a team. Rule #18: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. Rule #22: Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation. Rule #23: Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live. Rule no 28: Never run with sharp objects Rule no 29: Never fall asleep at your desk while handwriting a report Rule #22: Always carry a razor. Rule #38: Your case, your lead. Unknown numbers: "Never work the system when you can work the people." "Never Underestimate your opponent." "Always keep a spare." "Never say you're sorry. It's a sign of weakness." "Never marry a woman who eats more than you." Unofficial Rule A: Never say apologise, as it's a sign of weakness. Unofficial Rule B: We don't believe in coincidence. Unofficial Rule C: But we do believe in bad luck. Unofficial Rule D: Don't speak geekspeak, speak English. Unofficial Rule E: Headslap only the back of your underlings' heads: anything else would be demeaning (Gibbs once said a slap on the face was humiliating, whereas a cuff to the back of the head was a wakeup call). Unofficial Rule F: Always anticipate Unofficial Rule G: Know how to do every job that your underlings can do (this rule falls down if one your underlings happens to be Tim McGee, but we would all get a good laugh watching Gibbs trying to hack into the CIA's computers) Unofficial Rule H: If a computer doesn't work, hit it. Unofficial Rule I: Always acknowledge good work by underlings. Unofficial Rule J: When using Truth by Intimidation, always remain silent for at least a count of 5 after doing the act of intimidation, at which point the canary will sing. Unofficial Rule K: When in the interrogation room, stop the recording devices when the information strays into personal matters irrelevant to the investigation (e.g., don't ask/don't tell rules for gay Marines, revelations of unrequited love) Unofficial Rule L: When your cell phone breaks, have DiNozzo "fix" it (unwrap a new one from the supply drawer) Unofficial Rule M: Always ask for permission to touch the body: it belongs to the M.Examiner (Ducky has been known to get stroppy if anyone spoils his crime scene, he reportedly threw somebody down a hill). Unofficial Rule N: When doing a shootout, don't kill the hostage and avoid shooting off their ear. Unofficial Rule O: Don't call Ziva 'Ma'am' and don't call Jenny 'Madam Director', if you want to live. Unofficial Rule P: When hacking the CIA, give underlings a get out of jail free pass. Unofficial Rule Q: When breaking others' rules, do not get caught. Unofficial Rule R: If you want to gain access to a secure area to investigate, carry a cup of coffee and some paperwork and act like you belong. Unofficial Rule S: Never, ever (ever) get Ziva angry.
I copyed this off this site. I changed a few things. And then it got all messed up when I put it in, so sorry. Oh, well. You can still read the rules. I think some of the unofficial rules are actually official, but whatev. They're still funny. Unofficial rule H is the funniest, by far. (Note: Gibbs is kinda old. He's like in his 60s or something.)
Happy National S'mores Day!!!!!!
Cheerio, peeps!
